Guarding Your Heart from Manipulative People: Biblical Wisdom for Women in Hard Places By Redeemed Healing Co.

Guarding Your Heart from Manipulative People: Biblical Wisdom for Women in Hard Places

By Redeemed Healing Co.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Some wounds don’t bleed on the outside.

Emotional manipulation can be subtle, confusing, and deeply disorienting. It often wears a mask of kindness, concern, or even spiritual authority. But behind it lies a desire to control, deflect, or confuse. And if you have ever walked through this, you know it does not just hurt your feelings; it wounds your spirit.

But God sees, God knows, and God calls you to guard your heart. Not with coldness or bitterness, but with discernment and holy wisdom.

Recognize the Fruit — Not Just the Words

Jesus said:

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:15–16 (NIV)

Manipulative people often use guilt, flattery, or twisted Scripture to confuse your sense of right and wrong. But Jesus didn’t say to evaluate them by how spiritual they sound or how they make you feel; instead, He said look at their fruit.

Does their influence lead you to peace or fear? Do their corrections lift you up or keep you small? Do you feel the love of Christ in their presence or the pressure to perform?

God does not manipulate; God convicts but never confuses; God guides but never guilts.

Guarding Your Heart Isn’t Selfish; it is Sacred

The world often accuses strong, discerning women of being “too sensitive” or “unforgiving.” But Scripture is clear:

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet and turn and tear you to pieces.” Matthew 7:6 (NIV)

This isn’t about withholding the Gospel. It is about exercising discernment in what you share and with whom.

God’s Word, His revelations, as well as your heart, your time, your thoughts, and your healing are sacred pearls. And not everyone is ready or willing to hold them with reverence.

When Sharing Becomes a Source of Shame

I would often write after reading Scripture. I don’t journal every day, but when I do, God turns on a light. I am excited to put on paper what God is showing me, like a revelation about healing, truth, or relationships. And in that excitement, I used to share those journal entries with people I loved, believing they too would be excited to hear what God had shared or laid on my heart.

I would ask my husband to listen. But sometimes he would be on Facebook or start making coffee when I would approach him. Other times, he would say “that’s good” and move on. Occasionally, he would try to correct my writing or add to it, giving me suggestions. And rarely, he would be fully present and engaged. The times where he was fully present and engaged felt great, but sadly that was rare, but just enough for me to come back again seeking that sacred engagement.

Each time I offered that pearl and it was met with distraction, disinterest, or critique, my heart sank.

I felt foolish, and it made me wonder if the revelation was even from God. Sometimes it would ruin my entire day. I stopped writing more than once because of it.

In the early years of writing, I would share with my mom, and ironically her reaction to my writing was eerily similar to my husband’s, especially when she would try to rewrite my writing.

Over time, I began to see that some things are too holy to be laid bare for anyone and everyone.

Jesus wasn’t being harsh in Matthew 7:6. He was protecting us.

When we share sacred things in spaces that don’t honor them, it wounds us and can even silence the gifts God gave us. This is the opposite of what God wants. He commands us to share the Gospel and inspired words that align with His truth to others in hope that seeds will be planted or watered to bring people closer to Him and be transformed into the likeness of Christ.

For example, your journal or revelations in prayer or in reading of Scripture are not meant to be shared with everyone.

It is meant to be shared with people who are fertile ground, readily seeking out God to be witnessed to and received with reverence.

Toxic Influence Dulls Your Discernment

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” 1 Corinthians 15:33

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” Proverbs 22:24–25

WebMD defines a toxic person as anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. They may manipulate, verbally abuse, or repeatedly violate your boundaries. The result? You feel exhausted, confused, or ashamed.

Toxicity doesn’t just affect us emotionally, but spiritually. 1 Peter 5:8, which says, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour,” and he will use our lack of discernment to devour our confidence in faith and God.

When you continually allow toxic influence near your soul, it starts to reshape how you see yourself, God, and your worth.

God calls you to love others, but not at the cost of stopping you from sharing God’s Word and insights.

Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Access

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness but rather expose them.” Ephesians 5:11

“For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.” Mark 4:22

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

Forgiveness is not pretending the pain never happened. It is giving it to God and allowing Him to carry the weight. It is not a sign that the person is safe again; it is a sign that you are free.

Sometimes forgiveness happens in silence. Other times, it involves a conversation. Either way, it is not about forcing the other person to change; it is about releasing your need to carry the burden alone.

The following is an excerpt from Author Jessica Brodie, who wrote "How Do We Show Love to Toxic People?" This article was published on August 9, 2021, on Christianity.com.

“Forgiveness is love cloaked in liberation when we hand off the pain we experienced at the hands (or lips) of another to the Lord, who takes it from there. The gift of forgiveness can transform our lives and also remind us how blessed we are that God forgives us for our own ways — our sins that are toxic to Him.

Allowing God’s light and truth to permeate the situation can be helpful. This might be going to the person and letting them know their words or actions bother you or bringing along a trusted friend to help reason with them and guide them back on track. As we’re told in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

The main thing to remember with toxic people is that you must protect your soul. Be watchful and mindful of the ways this toxic person can impact your life and your values. But there are ways you can love them without letting their toxicity harm you.

Empathy, prayer, small kindnesses, forgiveness, extravagant love, and general exposure to God’s powerful and redeeming light can be some of these ways.”

You Don’t Have to Explain Your Healing

Even Jesus stayed silent before Herod (Luke 23). Paul walked away when people rejected truth (Acts 13 & 18). They knew that when hearts are hard, more words don’t soften them — they just bounce off and wound the speaker.

Discernment is not judgment; it is wisdom. You do not need to defend your peace. You do not need to explain your silence. You do not need to justify your boundaries. You are guarding your pearls. And that is not just okay; it is biblical.

Final Reflection: Treasure the Treasure

You are not being overly sensitive, you are not unforgiving, and you are not selfish.

You are healing, you are growing, you are learning to walk in the Spirit, not in shame.

Your writing, your healing, your revelations—they are pearls. Share them where they will be held with reverence, and don’t apologize for tucking them away when they are not meant for someone’s careless hands.

Here is what God recently impressed on my heart:

Treasures are treasures because they are rare—not common.

To share them with just anyone, at any time, is to undervalue what God has revealed. Sacred insight deserves sacred space. Not every heart will be ready. Not every setting will be safe.

That doesn’t make your treasure less true; it makes it worth protecting.

So, find the right places—the ones God has prepared in advance. A Bible study group. A trusted spiritual friend. A Christ-centered online community. Spaces where hearts are seeking God, not trying to silence Him.

Until then, treasure the wisdom. Hold the joy close. Let the Holy Spirit reveal when and with whom it is safe and time to share.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

God sees, He knows, and He is so proud of how far you have come.